I should have written more in the last few weeks. It was a dense time.
I finished my classes, which was extremely anticlimatic. I felt a little too comfortable and it seemed like I was just coming to class out of politenesses. School has changed for me, from my occupation to an afterthought. I have changed a lot since I started the program, and I'm motivated by much different things. I used to be obsessed with the grades I earned and the Dean's List certificates, but I've become so weird about that. I think I'm permanently affected by this Counseling course we took where we discussed faulty thinking in clients: "If I get a B, I suck." When I realized this was not the case, and I could do whatever the hell I wanted in graduate school and still kick ass at my job, well, you can imagine the change that went on. I like this change in attitude- once I stop evaluating myself and everyone else in the world, I am much more mellow and seriously happier. Anyway, I still don't have a job, but again- I'm not willing to move, so if a job doesn't come to me, well the mountain isn't exactly going to Mohammed. Zen, Zen, Zen.
Murat took me to Turkey, which was kind of a perfect trip. It was part vacation, part immersion lesson. Not everyone gets to go to another country and stay with great people and go to events as well as spend a few days at a resort on the Aegean. I'm lucky. I realized again how verbal I am and how important words are to me, because of course, I don't know much Turkish and listened to a whole hell of a lot of it, being around a family all the time. Even though i know full well how long it takes a person to really know a language and that I'm working on it, I was really hard on myself for not knowing more. Plus I think I have to learn. It's not so much a loving gesture from me as it is a prerequisite that I at least attempt to master some skills, from what I gather. I mean, it makes things interesting, right? Murat deals with my family's ridiculous vacations where we basically break the law for a weekend, and he's pretty patient with my occasional insanity. Anyway, I ate meat there and do not want any more. Do you remember the part of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" where the guy told his Greek girlfriend's aunt that he was a vegetarian, and the woman said "WHATCHOO MEAN YOU DON'T EAT NO MEAT!?" before calming herself down and saying "It's O.k. I make lamb."
Well, sorry, Greek and Turks- but that movie... it speaks to me. Your cultures are just not that different. Long story short, I was going to eat meat over there. I ate the lamb and it was fucking delicious. Luckily, I was still on my meat streak on the way home and ate an ill-advised chicken salad sandwich containing an unfortunate bone- reminding me that that is not how I want to roll in the States. I ate about a pound of tofu at Whole Foods today and it felt so right.
Anyway, I want to blog more frequently. Because I am not 13 and I can't keep a diary.
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