I'm back!

It's been an interesting week. Murat and I have been together (offcially) for three years now. We celebrated at Truluck's, and all was delicious. If i can have crabcakes, scottish salmon and a literal bag of chocolate filled with cake and berries ever year for the rest of forever, I'm in. Plus, I find that any bottle of wine ordered and poured at a restaurant is better than anything I do at home. I have literally gotten the name and tracked wine down at Spec's that always tastes like stale Chardonnay. No offense to Specs, as you are my happy place, but it makes the fancy nights out so much better. It also didn't suck that I used the occasion to splurge on a dress from Anthropologie (Relax! It was heavily discounted!). Murat also brought me roses from work (he looked for calla lilies and failed- but kirmizi cicekler seviyorum) and reached into his pocket to reveal- get this- a sugar free Red Bull (one of the many components of my soul). I know that he isn't going to give me a ring, because I hate diamonds and the responsibility of wearing expensive shit on my hands- but there was something hilarious about this gesture on our third anniversary. I of course gave him a bird coloring book.

I have been reading "Eat, Pray, Love" because it's the law. Honestly, this book is much less chick- lit and much more me than I could have asked for. It is the book I would love to write someday (damn, it's taken). I feel like I am a very different person from the author, but that I could not be more similar. The description of herself as a traveler is pretty apt (awkward, a sore thumb, but ok with it). It's a good book to read if you are having any kind of uncertainty in your life, because the point of the book, to me, is that everything is a choice, and you really actually can do whatever the hell you want. If I didn't remind myself of that, I would be miserable forever. I am still at the part where she is in Italy, trying to experience pleasure at its most potent. I feel like I have that down. I get sparkling wine and hors' deurves to celebrate small victories (another 4.0, Turkey winning some kind of soccer game, etc) and I sing, loudly, in the car whenever the occasion presents itself. I also indulge in a hot bath whenever I feel the whim. The rest of the book concerns devotion and discipline- and whoops, I am not so good at those. :).

I think I would make a great masseuse. What do you think? If you could pick a career for me.... what might it be?

Oscar smells like lamb today.

I have returned to the blog.

I should have written more in the last few weeks. It was a dense time.

I finished my classes, which was extremely anticlimatic. I felt a little too comfortable and it seemed like I was just coming to class out of politenesses. School has changed for me, from my occupation to an afterthought. I have changed a lot since I started the program, and I'm motivated by much different things. I used to be obsessed with the grades I earned and the Dean's List certificates, but I've become so weird about that. I think I'm permanently affected by this Counseling course we took where we discussed faulty thinking in clients: "If I get a B, I suck." When I realized this was not the case, and I could do whatever the hell I wanted in graduate school and still kick ass at my job, well, you can imagine the change that went on. I like this change in attitude- once I stop evaluating myself and everyone else in the world, I am much more mellow and seriously happier. Anyway, I still don't have a job, but again- I'm not willing to move, so if a job doesn't come to me, well the mountain isn't exactly going to Mohammed. Zen, Zen, Zen.

Murat took me to Turkey, which was kind of a perfect trip. It was part vacation, part immersion lesson. Not everyone gets to go to another country and stay with great people and go to events as well as spend a few days at a resort on the Aegean. I'm lucky. I realized again how verbal I am and how important words are to me, because of course, I don't know much Turkish and listened to a whole hell of a lot of it, being around a family all the time. Even though i know full well how long it takes a person to really know a language and that I'm working on it, I was really hard on myself for not knowing more. Plus I think I have to learn. It's not so much a loving gesture from me as it is a prerequisite that I at least attempt to master some skills, from what I gather. I mean, it makes things interesting, right? Murat deals with my family's ridiculous vacations where we basically break the law for a weekend, and he's pretty patient with my occasional insanity. Anyway, I ate meat there and do not want any more. Do you remember the part of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding?" where the guy told his Greek girlfriend's aunt that he was a vegetarian, and the woman said "WHATCHOO MEAN YOU DON'T EAT NO MEAT!?" before calming herself down and saying "It's O.k. I make lamb."

Well, sorry, Greek and Turks- but that movie... it speaks to me. Your cultures are just not that different. Long story short, I was going to eat meat over there. I ate the lamb and it was fucking delicious. Luckily, I was still on my meat streak on the way home and ate an ill-advised chicken salad sandwich containing an unfortunate bone- reminding me that that is not how I want to roll in the States. I ate about a pound of tofu at Whole Foods today and it felt so right.

Anyway, I want to blog more frequently. Because I am not 13 and I can't keep a diary.