#1

I have tried so many times to start a blog, so now I have one. I'm really disappointed with the fact that the more educated I get, the less I read. I do not want to become an automaton LSSP with no imagination. I have all kinds of thoughts during my long commute, and I just lose them. I've been so busy lately that I feel like I lose everything. It's the Issue of the 20- something, I think. Every single thing I do is about the future, so I neglect the present. I don't make my bed because we're just going to get back in it. My laundry goes from the hamper, to the washer, to the dryer, to the laundry basket and then back on my body. Everything is temporary, and I am scrambling to set myself up for life with an education, a career and a family. I totally resent that. I want to stop that. I find that things are so hectic, that I am absolutely forced to enjoy random things, like the Niacin flush of a 5- hour energy shot or a hot bath. Right now I have New Moon playing on my DVD player because I find it soothing. I'm under so much pressure from so many places that I resent that feeling and seek very basic pleasures and modes of relaxation. Glass of wine and Chelsea Lately. I just wish I had it in me to read a real book. I hate when people say that it just gets worse. We can control that, right? For instance, when I have kids, I don't just want to give myself to them. I want to show them how to live, not be their servant. I don't want to lose myself in responsibilities.

So, I'm a bit of a whiner.